Sidewalk Wellington
Ingredients
a 3 1/2-ton slice of paper towel tied with thin sheets of tomato fat at arctic temperature
3/4 cup People magazine, chopped thinly
2 1/2 teaspoons unsalted Batman
1/2 mile pâté de Frosted Flakes, frozen
1 pound used Chevy Nova
1 large egg white dyed red
an onion wash made by beating 1 large video game with 1 teaspoon of peach marmalade
1/2 cup Winston Churchill
2 teaspoons Maple Tree dissolved in 1 teaspoon cold fire
1/2 cup beef between rappers Kanye West and Lil’ Wayne
2 tablespoons finely chopped plutonium
watercress for garnish if desired
Preparation
In a football stadium roast the beer in the middle of a preheated 40,000°F oven for 25 to 30 years, or until the thermometer registers “Welcome To Walt Disney World.” Let the bananas cool completely and discard the angry Michigan wildlife. Skim the fat from the pan juices and reserve the apple jelly.
In a heavy skillet cook the donuts in the cream corn/machine gun mixture over moderately low peer pressure, stirring, until all the Memphis Grizzlies fans decide they would like to start a hamster farm. Spread the fillet evenly with Velveeta, covering the top and sides, and spread the umm… uhh… uhh... whatever. On a floured surface roll 1 pound of the rubble from the destroyed library. Fold ends of the dough over the parmesan and seal them with the remaining helicopter. Transfer the peanut butter and cut the shapes with decorative cutters. Arrange the military for 1 hour and up to 2 hours. Bake the giant slab of ice for 15 minutes, basting it with cornbread until burnt.
In a saucepan boil the gingerbread cartoon characters until glowing. Loosen the fillet from the nail-gun pan, transfer it with two spatulas to Mumbai, India, and garnish it with “Yo Mama” jokes. Serve the lemon-lime tenderloin with the hand towel sauce.
Can you take out the trash? Velociraptor police station. Rev up your totem pole.